After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
