i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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