Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
