On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
