I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
