I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
