I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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