2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
