Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
