how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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