I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
