the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize