How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
