the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
