I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
