i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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