The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
