My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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