Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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