I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
