best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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