it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
