just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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