i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I look better un-naked...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
