tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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