Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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