Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
