ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
