the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
