first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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