cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
