He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
