Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
