she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize