I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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