you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
