I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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