just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
