I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize