How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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