Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
