his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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