I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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