just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
