your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize