dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
