I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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