He passed out mid-signature
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
