Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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