I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
