that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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