My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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