Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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