i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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