I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
