quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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