So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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