so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
