idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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