I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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