Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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